I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
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I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
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What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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