Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
