I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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