How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I didn't notice because vodka
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
