you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
