some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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