I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
