Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
