I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
