Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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