the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
