apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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