The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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