I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
