We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
