so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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