oh god the rape fog is back!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
