she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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