honey bunches of taint.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
