dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
