I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
