There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
