Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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