Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
