I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
