my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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