I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
