did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
