Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
