I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
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It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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