Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
