I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize