Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
