PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
