Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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