Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I still have a little drunk in my system
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
