look no pants
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
