i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i barfeds in our rink
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Two words: nipple clamps
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