ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
