I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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