I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
