worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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