One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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