so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
