But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
