you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
