just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
