Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Do vagina's smell?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
