I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
