Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
