get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
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Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
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There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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