I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
