Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
it's like iHOP with fire
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
