i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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