i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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