He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Life is so much better after having sex.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
