hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
