No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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