man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
