a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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