You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
