I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
