$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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