i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so let's talk penis.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
