it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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