If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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