My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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