Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
