She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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