you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize