If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
