So drunk its hurt
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
