guys are only as good as the porn they watch
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
