My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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