if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
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All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
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I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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