things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
